Tide was low. It was nearly sunset on Rodrigues Island. As I walked on the wet sand some 200m away from the coast, I started thinking about myself, life and events which changed me. There were too many factors bothering me. I tried to concentrate on one at a time. I opted for the love-factor.
Flop 1: After more than a year together, he tells me that I’m too frank and my character is too strong for him. He prefers partners who listen and always agree to what he says (yes-girls sort of). When I voice out my opinion, he takes it like I’m rebelling. So there… no correlation.
Flop 2: After 1 and a half year together, he says his mom thinks that I do not match her son, physically. So, momma’s son doesn’t really have a choice other than to break up with me. And here… no luck.
Flop 3: After 8 months together, he says he knows I love kids and he anticipates that I would like to have one of my own. As he doesn’t want to have any child due to reasons like kids are costly, difficult to handle in this era and he’s not so young to have one, he prefers to end everything between us. Again… no affiliation.
Flop 4: We partied a lot together, did clubs, weeds, drinks, music, dance, weekend-outs, long-drives, race-rides etc… but then “these things are good to do with a girlfriend, it’s not the kind of wife I would want to spend my life with,” he said 2 years later. Well here… no plausible explanation.
All these flopped relationships gradually made me scared. And as I contemplated this boat, I was thinking at how life is simple. We are the ones who make it complicated. These wooden boats make me feel good. If they are replaced by new speed boats, I won’t have the same good feeling looking at it. This view will become an eye-sore.
In wanting the best, we enjoy YES, then later on we have regrets. We love unconditionally, but then we bow to restrictions. We say lots of sweet words and promises, but then we don’t live up to them. If I have to live, react, dress and behave as per what suits my partner, seriously, I prefer to die single. How many characters should I adopt to suit each person coming into my life? All this got me… confused.
Sooooooo, there was a little voice in me which screamed a solution to hit Confusion Zero. And that was:
Make my heart understand that it should stop seeking that feeling for unconditional love anymore.