Sky In My Head

I love looking at the sky, day or night.

Sometimes I give myself reasons to believe that the sky is showing me the way. Don’t ask me “way to what?”. I convince myself that the white forms and the blue background – red, black, starry or non-starry, whichever – reflect me, my thoughts and my feelings.

Yeah, I know. Crappy beliefs. I just love looking at the sky. Basta.

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However, the last few weeks have been terrible for me. There are hundreds of people in my small life, yet, I can’t find anyone to share what I’m going thru. It’s like, I’m waking up to fight a battle and I sleep ONLY to breathe so that I can face another battle the next day. I don’t know when the war will come so that I can end everything with it. Winning or losing the war is another matter of thought.

I cook, I eat, I pray, I dance, I sing, I hurt myself – unwillingly! With my mind elsewhere, I end up getting hurt – , I shout, I push everyone (except those whom I have to meet or talk to) away from me, I become as cold as a butcher, I… I still feel stuck.

Hoping that this is just a phase which will fade out VERY soon… I’ll blame LIFE and I’ll continue living. Or maybe I should say . . . stay alive.

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