As I get in bed . . .

I think about my bestie, my sister, in that cold room on her own.

Confined between iceblocks to keep her body temperature low, tubes in the nose, mouth, hand, fingers, stomach and belly..

Comatic for the next 48 hours. 48 hours of prayers, hope and suffering. That’s all we have. That’s all she has, to give her everything and get back to us.

As I get in bed.. I wish I could take half of what she must be going through. We’ve shared our childhood, adolescence, things we shouldn’t be doing, good times, our bad times, our bed, our room, our sacred icecream, meals – she is low carbed and I’m the contrary – our dreams.. yet, it all doesn’t seem enough. We need more time together!

I don’t know if her life is in the hands of God or the doctors. I don’t care much, I just need her back.

I can’t keep feeling that.. I could have avoided this situation. It’s a terrible feeling. For once, I’m a firm believer of miracles.

As I get in bed, I wonder why I can’t cry. I can’t shout out. I can’t be lost in my thoughts. Some think I am indifferent. I am not. I am just.. different. My mind is busy finding ways. My heart is deep into beating hopefully. We can’t give up on her. I can’t give up on her.

Here I am.. writing what people expect me to say. Blurting on the web what people expect to hear from my lips. I know, I tend to close myself on myself. I guess it’s a habit now.. as each time I looked back to check if I have someone to have my back.. well..

As I get in bed.. all I wish is that I open my eyes to a better day.

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